A Few Common Grief Dreams Questions Answered

A common form (before the death) are dreams that address the feelings of grief before an impending death (anticipatory grief). This can be with or without the person (who is dying) in the imagery.

Three common forms (after the death is known) are:

1) Dreams that do not have the deceased present. The dream may be addressing the feelings of the loss (e.g., running by a mountain and it collapses on you).

2) Dreams that do not have the deceased present but they are mentioned (e.g., a character in the dream talks about the deceased).

3) Dreams that have the deceased present (e.g., in human form or in another). There are many different themes that can occur with these dreams (e.g., the deceased can provide comfort or be seen suffering or lifeless).

There is limited research on the topic, but our research suggests it is very common for people to have at least one dream (see Black, Belicki, & Emberley-Ralph, 2019; Black, Belicki, McCann, & Piro, 2021). We have heard from people that it sometimes only took a month before they remembered a dream of the deceased, while others report it took years. The frequency of these dreams of the deceased varies widely from person to person. Some people only have one their entire life, while others can have them monthly—and some have none. Dreams can have positive, neutral, or negative content.

Negative dreams of the deceased are common after a death (see Black et al., 2019, Black et al., 2021). Western dream research has shown that dreams can represent our waking life (The Continuity Hypothesis). If you’re happy during the day, you are more likely to have positive dreams. If you’re sad during the day, you are more likely to have negative dreams. After loss you are experiencing many negative emotions and can expect many of your dreams to reflect that. In Dr. Black’s experience, many people who have negative dreams of the deceased are having issues with their unresolved anger, guilt, etc. Additionally, the death may have been traumatic, and they may be reliving that traumatic event (e.g., seeing their loved one dying again). Research Dr. Black has done supports these links (unresolved blame/regret and trauma symptoms) to distressing dream content (see Black, Belicki, Piro, & Hughes, 2020). If you work through your trauma or grief issues (we recommend seeing a professional), your dreams of the deceased should change to something more positive. Additionally, there are other ways to reduce negative dream, such as dream re-scripting.

Dr. Black investigated what variables predict recalling dreams of the deceased, and he found the most important factor was how many dreams you usually recall in general (see Black et al., 2019). Some people remember dreams every night and some people never remember their dreams. Research has found most people remember one or two dreams a week. If you are the person who does not remember your dreams often, then it may be more difficult for you to remember a dream of the deceased (even though you really want to remember it).

As I have already discussed, we can learn from negative dreams about issues and concerns that perhaps we have not yet given enough attention to in our waking life. We can also learn from our positive dreams with the deceased. Many positive dreams can help resolve grief issues in waking life (e.g., a need for forgiveness, or to feel loved, to be reassured that the loved one is safe, a chance to see them healthy). These positive dreams can reflect your waking life concerns and what you’re longing for. Whether or not you believe a positive dream is a visitation, it doesn’t change that a positive dream can reflect your waking life.

Yes, children have similar grief dreams as adults. The major difference is how they interpret these experiences.

You can also listen to the Grief Dreams Podcast

See our academic publications page

A couple reasons:

1. Emotional regulation

2. Cognitive performance

3. Health

4. Safety

Poor sleep is common after loss and trauma in children and adults. You may be having difficulty initiating sleep, maintaining sleep, or feeling rested after your sleep. It is essential to understand the importance of sleep in your life. Here are some sleep tips that may improve your sleep and reduce the risk of your sleep disturbance becoming chronic. If you are concerned about your sleep, please contact your family physician.

1. Make the time for sleep

2. Try to keep a regular sleep schedule and follow a bedtime routine

3. Provide the environment for sleep

If you are in bed and can’t sleep:

• Get out of bed

• Don’t stimulate the brain with anything engaging or challenging (e.g., read or meditate)

• Keep the lights dim and head to bed when you are ready

1. Nighttime triggers of grief (e.g., from an empty bed or lost routine)

2. Dreams and Nightmares (aka Grief Dreams)

3. Not wanting to sleep alone

4. Begin to sleep more

5. Sleep disorders may occur more often, since some precipitating factors are stress and sleep deprivation (e.g., sleep paralysis, night terrors, bed wetting)